I Would've Made A Good Dictator.

Discussion in 'The Red Room' started by Ebeneezer Goode, Jan 31, 2015.

  1. Ebeneezer Goode

    Ebeneezer Goode Gobshite

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    Ahhh yes, sat in my rhino-skin chair, wearing my pandaskin smoking jacket and ivory sunglasses, looking across what used to be the Amazonian rainforest as slaves erected yet another statue of me battling Gozilla, Cthulu or Little Orphan Annie, I'd be casting my mind back on my multiple successes.

    I would have ended poverty and homelessnes.

    By having them all shot.

    I would have ended world hunger, by having those freshly shot homeless and poor people used to fertilize the Sahara.

    Oh, I'd have shown my fun side too, why I'd have blocked the Straits of Gibraltar, drained the Med into Saharan lakes, and turned the resulting basin into a giant ball pool.

    Just for me, obviously.

    We'd have manned missions to Mars, the astronauts banging on the glass pleading not to be cast out but me cheerfully waving cheerio at them! They'd be off to make the place or habitable. Or die trying.

    Most died trying. But hey, omelettes and eggs!

    And of course I set up the Josef Mengele Academy of Medicine to deal with all those nasty genetic diseases.

    I look at the world today, sustainable with it's population of half a billion, and think, yes, awesome job!
    • Agree Agree x 6
    • Winner Winner x 2
  2. tafkats

    tafkats scream not working because space make deaf Moderator

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    Would you let us call you Generalissimo?
    • Agree Agree x 2
  3. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 the only real finish line

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    :lol: You nailed it!
    BTW at first read I thought it said Dicktaster which would not be cool at all. :jayzus:
    Not that there's anything wrong with that!
    BTW now that I am among the first to grovel at your feet :hail: can I get a discount on the mandatory
    black light poster of you pissing on the stars and stripes that must be displayed in every room of my home?
  4. Ebeneezer Goode

    Ebeneezer Goode Gobshite

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    I prefer Grand High Muckity Poobah Muthafucka, as per the new National Anthem written by Nicki Minaj.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  5. oldfella1962

    oldfella1962 the only real finish line

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    Fine for the layperson, but if I'm part of your inner circle of trusted advisers, can I use
    HMIC (Head Muthafucka In Charge?) That's what I used to call The Pope when I was his wing-man.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  6. Bickendan

    Bickendan Custom Title Administrator Faceless Mook Writer

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    Hmm.

    Yeah, I'd vote for you. Can I be the token ineffective opposition leader that get their talking points from you just to maintain the illusion of 'democracy' while I keep up my palace harem in Los Cabos?
  7. Rimjob Bob

    Rimjob Bob Sue Collini always gets the weenie

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    I'd have my all-female, personal "virgin" guards like Gaddafi, and my "Pleasure Brigade" like the Kim family. :yes:
  8. John Castle

    John Castle Banned Writer

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    Dick tater. lole
  9. jack243

    jack243 jackman

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    In the Amazon? Ivory and rhinos? Really? Me thinks wrong continent.
  10. NAHTMMM

    NAHTMMM Perpetually sondering

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    The locals won't have any idea who Godzilla is, either. "What's this guy proud of, again? Fighting some other guy who had to wear a heavy, lizardy costume?"