Can jerking off be considered murder?

So, if abortion were made illegal again, how far will it go?

Will the Christain right state that all life is Sacred, even little sperm cells that were wiped off on a tissue.


(I'm drunk and bored, and don't want to go to jail in the future...)

^Only if you're Catholic.

Miscarriages will have to be investigate as possible murders.

There'll be an underground movement to provide abortions as well as bootlegging birth control medicines.

There'll be a lot more files in the courts as hundreds of thousands of new criminals are brought in to trial.

New taxes will have to be raised of course to pay for the housing of these new inmates. Or they'll have to get rid of the non violent offenders since people are highly resistant to the building of new prisons.


Problems problems problems..
Money money money.

<Shrillness snipped>

It occurs to me that if conception is when life begins, and since I was conceived in Winnipeg, I'm a Canadian citizen

Ha-ha! You're Canadian!

You need not fear unless asking stupid questions is ever outlawed.

Yes, it can be.


[YT="Let me explain it this way..."]U0kJHQpvgB8[/YT]

Of course, this means Dickynoo will be riding the Hell Express when the time comes.

Death to Diacanu!

= ?

It's murder when I do it too much and my dick get all chaffed.

I dunno if that counts as murder, though.

Masturbation murder?

Not at all. No matter how hard I try, I just can't strangle the bastard.

So, attempted murder.

They can have my penis when they take it from my cold dead hands .

Like you don't.:dildo:

That doesn't make the premise of this thread any less

Tch, Ted, there were so many classier ways to go there.

Little men in canoes, flicking beans, y'know, classy.
Like, the kind of female masturbation joke you could tell the Queen uh fuggin England.

True, but I don't have to pull punches with Tam.

Apparently, you CAN tell the Queen she looks like the 'dog's bollocks'.

Cyndi Lauper made the classy female masturbation joke. THe Queen watched THAT. She liked it.

I know, I'm just bein' fuggin dicky.

Do you think the Queen Of England masturbates herself, or does she have a squire do it for her?

I know...

Having a session with the wise master
Hand start the one eyed yogurt thrower
Memory Bank Spank
Getting jiggy with it
Cleaning the snorkel
Mugging the Kojak Doll
Giving flipper a backrub
Making pudding'
Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
Making sewer babies
Dating the palm sisters
Cocking the Gun
Filling up the belly button well
Conditioning the leather
Rubbing one off
Satisfying King Solomon
Inflating the Zeppelin
Massaging the Marrionette, no strings attached
Extracting a core sample
Enforcing the "No Fly Zone"
Digital Manipulation of the Coital Apparatus
Testing out the magic love wand
The Rise and Fall of Peter the Great
Firing the Surgeon General
Squeaky the squirrel
Taking Herman to the circus
Freeing the soldiers of love
Boobytrapping a toilet seat
Galloping the lizard
Five finger boogie on the blue vein
Tickling little Tommy behind the ear
Walking the one eyed dog
Making gravy
Humping the old hand
Greasing The Baseball Bat
One man tug of War
Hang The Hamster
5 Digit Disco
Rocking the lil' man in the boat
The disappearing cigar trick
Male polishing the stinger
Checking the tweeters
Shaking hands with the wife's wedding present
Launching the heat seeking moisture missile
Filleting the trouser trout
Jerking my johnson
Lathering the Latin love lance
Bending to the will of the one eyed purple warrior
Spew from the column of delight
Honking bobo
Riding the one eyed wonder horse
Saying hello to my little friend
Prostate Maintenance
Honking the burrito
Pickle dancing
Skipping rocks off the lake of love
Shaving the cucumber
Faxing a hard copy to the Castro
Walking the dog
Using the Force
Flogging the dolphin
Whipping up some baby batter
Feeding your trouser-mouse
Jolting the bean
Cock the cannon
Supply and Demand
Putting mayo on the knuckle sandwich
Doing the hand-jive
Firing the photon torpedoes
Shooting putty at the moon
The sperm manicure
Putting the dog's eye out
Rubbing the nub
Saying hi to big Jim and the twins
Verifying your manhood
Worshiping the fist prince
Yanking the penal cord
Flushing babies
The two fisted monkey slap
The blob blaster
Spewing crude
Wank your crank
Skanking the pickle
Smacking the pudge
Unrolling the turtle neck
Unsheathing the shlong
Shining the helmet
Dressing up like the mail man
Spit shining the trophy
Making love with miss Right
Spin the humming top
Letting off a few wrist rockets
Freeing the Willies
Petting the Parrot
Punching the Munchkin
Spanking the Monkey
Slapping the Salami
Choking the Chicken
Caressing the Cucumber
Doing the Mighty Wang Chung
Shining the Shaft
Tweaking the Totem Pole
Lubricating the Piston
Beating the Meat
Arming the Torpedo
Playing One Arm Bandit
Playing One Eyed Bandit
Playing the Skin Flute
Fondling the Fountain
Churning Butter
It's the Middle School Rodeo
Knuckle Shuffle on the Piss Pump
Gushing the Geyser
Milking the Heifer
Squeezing the Squirrel
Jerking Off
Pulling the Pud
Pulling a Pee-Wee
Going Blind
Growing Hair on the Palms
Waxing the Dolphin
Beating the Bishop
Jerking the Gherkin
Whacking Off
Pounding the Pepperoni
Cleaning the Canoli
Special Saucing the Big Mac
Fondling the Fahita
Banging the Burrito
Heisting the Jewels
Hustling the Hog
Waxing the T-Bird
Polishing the Rocket
Getting Your Pole Varnished
Chaffing the chimp
Making the Meat-Whistle
Torching the Taliwacker
Giving it a Tug
Shaking Hands with the Unemployed
Beating the boner
Handling the hard on
Yanking your chain
Sanding the woody
Lubricating the love stick
Sharpening the pencil
Tickling old one-eye
Making the Cyclops fight the five headed monster until he cries
Grabbing the grouse
Spackling the ceiling
Bopping the baloney
Pumping the gas
Draining the main vein
Worshiping the finger prince
Pumping the revolver
Shooting the 6 shooter
Polishing the family jewels
Waxing your Rocket
Spilling milk
Working the glue stick
Pleasing the turtle
Playing "hookey"
Walking the bearded one-eyed love dog
Beating the piss outta my best friend
Making a knuckle hot dog
Cuffing the carrot
Chugging the choo-choo
Making "Love" in the hand
Squeezing the cream out of the flesh Twinkie(tm)
Making Johnny Walker red
Playing Rumple Foreskin
Wrestling the Bald Headed Champ
Punching the Clown
Plucking the duck
Choking the snake
Tugging the Tapioca Tube
Getting to be better friends with Willy
Stretching before strenuous exercise
Taming Goliath
Corralling the Tadpoles
Jacking my Mule
Flogging yer dummy
Roughing up the suspect ('Cause you know he's guilty)
Putting miles on your monkey
Getting a little off-hand

^

... What in gods' names possessed you to look up and post every masturbation (male, that is,) euphamism you could find?

I'm evil.

No, that wasn't evil. That was... TLDR.

Evil would have been posting animation of yourself jerking off, unspoilered and IMAX-sized. THAT would have shuffled them loose the mortal coil.

If you can do it in a way which either burns it into their retinas or locks their hardware up, extra evil points.

That would kill everybody on the face of this planet because I am just so Godly good looking.