The world is demanding I write a Vampire novel

Discussion in 'The Workshop' started by The Original Faceman, Jul 14, 2009.

  1. The Original Faceman

    The Original Faceman Lasagna Artist

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    With the recent trend of Vampire novels being written for teen girls who romanticize the bad boy vampires, I feel the world, and Vampires even, is begging for redemption.

    Here’s the trend I see: Women writers have started writing vampire novels for themselves, romanticizing these previously feared creatures and reimagining them as misunderstood individuals who are simply different. The novels and shows and movies preach tolerance and acceptance of things that are new and different and use Vampires as the vehicle for that approach. Foremost in these works of fiction are the Twilight and True Blood series. Twilight is the worst of the abominations. I’m not sure why these people are even allowed to be called Vampires. Aside from their pale complexion and somewhat enhanced physical traits they’re nothing at all. They fucking sparkle in the sun. Vampires don’t fucking sparkle in the sun. They burst into fucking flames and die!

    True Blood marks a similar shift, though not so dramatic. They do away with many of the “myths” about Vampires (Vampires created those myths so as to protect themselves). Clever, but in the end it effects merely another method of neutering the demons. And they don’t quite burst into flames in the sun either. They slowly start to boil but they’ve got a few minutes, long enough to walk across a field and almost save someone.

    But the link between these series is the most disturbing. The Vampires are the protagonists. They’re different, but kindly creatures. They have a large, varied community just like humans. Just as there are bad humans, there are bad vampires. Well the dramatic conceit is lost, when you realize that there’s very little purpose in characterizing them as Vampires. It makes one wonder, what is the point? And then there’s the girl. The ditzy, enamored girl who wants nothing more than to be with this dark mysterious fellow. He’s a bad boy (because he’s a vampire) and she can see the good in him, the love in his unbeating heart, and that’s sexy. There is humanity inside him after all! There’s humanity inside a zombie but you don’t see lonely shut in women writing novels about falling in love with a brain sucker, do you?

    So with this thesis in mind, I feel the world requires an un-re-imagining of the Vampire mythology. Bring back the eastern European terrors of the night, the blood sucking to survive, stakes through the heart, gore, pillaging of villages, shapeshifting, garlic, murder, unyielding brutality, mirrors, silver, and crosses. They’re monsters. They used to be human. But they’re not anymore. So get over it.

    With this in mind I intend to write the most horrific, brutal and disgusting Vampire novel ever put to paper. Nothing good will happen. The protagonists love interest will be killed in a unique and disturbing way. There will be good vampires (to placate the Tweeners) who will be quickly dispensed with as unworthy members of the species (to placate me!). There will be murder, a mystery (but not too dense) and maybe even a bad vampire pretending to be good (near the beginning) with another human woman (just like Twilight) who he’ll soon kill and drain for sustenance. It will be glorious.

    All I need is a plot.

    :bergman:
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  2. armalyte

    armalyte Unsafe for everyone.

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    Don't you already have the plot right there?

    a.
  3. The Original Faceman

    The Original Faceman Lasagna Artist

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    No, I have series of events or scenes I would like to have happen but nothing concrete. I need the thread to connect them together.
  4. Marso

    Marso High speed, low drag.

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    That's why I liked 30 days of night. You didn't want to coddle up to those vampires, or become one.

    Those fuckers made Dracula look fucking tame.
  5. M. R. Sellars

    M. R. Sellars Fresh Meat

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    If the idea is to actually sell it to a publisher, and it's a vampire novel, then no, I'm fairly certain you don't require a plot. Just a bunch of random scenes tied together with vampire sex.
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2009
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  6. Diacanu

    Diacanu Comicmike. Writer

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  7. The Original Faceman

    The Original Faceman Lasagna Artist

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    Too grand a scope. I was thinking smaller and creepier...his novel seems to reinforce the modern trend that Vampires are well known to be living among us.
  8. The Original Faceman

    The Original Faceman Lasagna Artist

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    Can it be Vampire rape?
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  9. Doctor Manhattan

    Doctor Manhattan Fresh Meat

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    A suggestion.

    If you are at all interested in realism, then the vampires must live a very low-key existence. With modern technology, humans can see in the dark as well as vampires, are far more numerous (prey always outnumbers predators) and are heavily armed.

    Imagine, if you will, how lions would survive if zebra developed fangs and claws and became aggressive.

    Realistically speaking, if vampires existed in today's world, they would be forced to live a very covert existence indeed or be wiped out by a fearful human population. Humans are often lethally intolerant of those following different faiths; I can only presume that humanity's reaction to a species that sees humans as a food source would be far, far more extreme.
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  10. M. R. Sellars

    M. R. Sellars Fresh Meat

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    It usually is...
  11. The Original Faceman

    The Original Faceman Lasagna Artist

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    Good. I just didn't want some romantic consensual relationship. No Vamp followers, no "fang bangers" as on True Blood (an attrocious series where the heroin is on and off with the vampire every other episode and is apparently mad then suddenly ok with him killing her uncle when he says he did it cuz he loves her...fuck that show!).
  12. Marso

    Marso High speed, low drag.

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    I thought the original vampires were supposed to be erotic and seducing- but sexless.

    WTF happened to the vampire genre? I guess it's the new romance genre.
  13. M. R. Sellars

    M. R. Sellars Fresh Meat

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    They call it paranormal romance - vamps, were-creatures, and what have you all jumping into a free for all with "mortals". Been around for a while, but has been "the shit" for the past few years. If it follows normal genre trends, it should start tapering off in another 2-3 years, although there will always be a core group of fans for it.
  14. Lanzman

    Lanzman Vast, Cool and Unsympathetic Formerly Important

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    Personally, I like Laurell K Hamilton's stuff. It's comic-book-like enough to engage my interest while still maintaining some really monstrous monsters.
  15. M. R. Sellars

    M. R. Sellars Fresh Meat

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    Nothing at all wrong with Laurell's stuff. Not my personal cup o noodles, but hey, it sells and she seems to enjoy writing it. That's all that counts. :)
  16. Jenee

    Jenee Driver 8

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    Your plot is right there in your OP.

    the 'bad' vampire pretending to be a 'good' vampire is killing all the really 'good' vampires and their tweenie human love interests are crying on the facebook and myspace and blogs and soon some of the tweenies end up dying. Vigilanties must take up arms because the authorities refuse to do anything about it for fear of give 'credence' the idea that vampires actually exist.

    Except one cop. A lovely 30-ish kick-ass, independant woman who meets up with the 'bad' vampire pretending to be a 'good' vampire (this actually happens at the beginning of the story) - they start a romance while attempting to resolve the murder mysteries - both the 'good' vampires and the tweeners.

    The last scene, the 'bad' vampire pretending to be a 'good' vampire slays the lovely, kick-ass, thirty-something cop and we realize he's the one that's been killing all the really 'good' vampires and their tweener love interests.
  17. Lanzman

    Lanzman Vast, Cool and Unsympathetic Formerly Important

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    Sounds like you're all set for NaNoWriMo this year.
  18. The Original Faceman

    The Original Faceman Lasagna Artist

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    I can't write a novel in a month.
  19. Paladin

    Paladin Overjoyed Man of Liberty

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    Set the story in 1918. Have the main character be an American soldier in France in World War I. During a German offensive, he gets badly wounded and separated from his unit and finds a creepy village in the deepest, darkest part of the forest. He passes out and awakens in one of the villager's homes and finds he is miraculously healed by a strange yet beautiful French woman who is taking care of him. He expresses his gratitude to the town, but the village elders won't let him leave; it's clear the woman's healing of him broke some kind of unspoken law.

    He is imprisoned in the town while the elders debate what to do with him. He thinks they must be on the German side. He's also having trouble sleeping and is hungry but unable to keep food down. Then a group of Germans rolls into the village. The villagers greet them warmly and make preparations for a ceremonial feast that night. The protagonist is able to view the proceedings from afar. At the height of the feast, the townspeople--including the woman who takes care of him--reveal themselves to be vampires and tear the Germans apart, drinking their blood and ripping them limb from limb.

    Terrified, he escapes and runs into the woods, pursued by the townspeople. He is finally cornered and, just when you think he's going to be killed, the woman explains to him that he, too, is a vampire. "Inducting" him was the only way she could save his life. As proof, she holds out her hand--bloody from the carnage of the feast--and the man, revolted, cannot help himself--he begins licking the blood from her fingers. It is then that he realizes he has fangs...
  20. Jenee

    Jenee Driver 8

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    Great concept. But, where are the tweenies?
  21. Scott Hamilton Robert E Ron Paul Lee

    Scott Hamilton Robert E Ron Paul Lee Straight Awesome

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    Why didn't she just eat the dude then originally?
  22. Jenee

    Jenee Driver 8

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    Cuz he was American, silly.
  23. Paladin

    Paladin Overjoyed Man of Liberty

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    'Cause she likes him.

    I'm thinking you tell this start this story from the point of view of a German doctor brought to the front lines to investigate reports of German soldiers being drained of blood. The whole thing is bringing morale down among the troops.

    Eventually, the doctor catches up to the vampire--our hero from my previous post--and the backstory is filled in.

    Have the female lead get captured. Have the German army guys want to experiment on her to understand how vampirism could make their soldiers unbeatable. Have the protagonist rescue her. Wind the whole thing up in a massive blood orgy where the couple goes on a tear through the German headquarters.

    Y'know...that old chestnut.
  24. Paladin

    Paladin Overjoyed Man of Liberty

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    You can make the protagonist 17, a guy who wanted to go to war so enlisted when he was 16. The French woman who "vampirizes" him can be 16 or 17, too.

    Oh, here's a good kicker for the ending...

    Bookend the story with a German corporal, blinded by mustard gas, telling the story in the hospital. He's stark mad, raving about bloodsuckers and such. The conclusion of the story should take place on the battlefield at Comines during which the corporal, having encountered the vampires, is blinded in a mustard gas attack. Very last lines of the story, reveal the German corporal is young Adolf Hitler.
  25. Rimjob Bob

    Rimjob Bob This boy aint right

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    1. If you keep the setting pre-modern, you won't have to worry about technology taming the vampires.
    2. Be sure to include lots of vampire sex/rape.

    That's my input. :)
  26. Jenee

    Jenee Driver 8

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    I like it!
  27. classichummus

    classichummus Fresh Meat

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    I FUCKING LOVE THIS IDEA!!! You and Paladin need to get collaborate and make a kick ass vampire novel!!! Have you done some research into some "real" vampires like Countess Elizabeth Báthory? She was fucking crazy awesome!!!! She murdered/tortured approximently 650 young girls. She supposedly took baths in blood and sometimes took girls mutilated them then hung them above her bath and let the fresh blood pour over her while the girl bleed to death. Pretty fucked up shit!!!!! The History Channel had something on vampires awhile back that they were playing when Twilight came out.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_Báthory
    http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/serial_killers/predators/bathory/countess_1.html

    My girlfriend doesn't get why I don't like Twilight and will NEVER watch nor read it. Faceman, thank you for giving me the best answer to this, "Vampires don’t fucking sparkle in the sun. They burst into fucking flames and die!"
    That is now one of my favorite quotes!!! I LOVE IT!!!! I now like you WAAAAY more Faceman!!! You are fucking AWESOME!!!!!
  28. Baba

    Baba Rep Giver

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    Kick ass warrior chick storry. Oh whedon already done this.