I have seen tortoises mating too. I rarely see other critters mating. Thus they fuck often, crave attention, or do it for an incredibly long time. Most critters do it fast because they are vulnerable while copulating. A couple of days ago I was at a riverside park and a dude caught a big striped bass that jizzed all over the fishing pier.
HA! That's Ron Jeremy in a bear suit - hopefully not the one on the bottom, but I wouldn't put it past Ron! Wait - forget the bear suit...that's Ron Jeremy au natural!
I took some students to the zoo on a field trip about 15 years ago. One student took some pictures of the tortoises doing the nasty. The Wal Mart up here refused to develop the film.
Tortoises are just deviants with no sense of shame. A few years ago I let my tortoise wander around my living room unprotected... and then i heard the frantic squeaking. My Ikea floor lamp needed months of counselling.
Honestly, it's not the tortoises that bother me, it's the mental image of Mitch McConnell having sex. THAT one makes me vomit.
Apparently there's a real Mitch McConnell video scandal: ---------------- Team Mitch for Team Duke: McConnell’s day of #BBN rake-in-the-face Yesterday morning, the campaign of Sen. Mitch McConnell released another hilarious video by boy wonder Lucas Baiano that tried to make Kentucky’s senior senator look like a mix of Vin Diesel and Abraham Lincoln. Over the audio of McConnell’s CPAC speech — and wild cheering that was canned — the viewer sees all-American and all-Kentuckian images such as horses, Muhammad Ali, cute children holding American flags, mom and apple pie… …and the celebration by the Duke Blue Devils after winning the 2010 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament. I was the tenth person to watch this video yesterday morning, and when I got to the very end I noticed not just the Louisville player going in for a dunk, but another quick image that looked out of place. It was two players celebrating as confetti rained upon them, but it sure as hell didn’t look like UK players. I thought to myself: What team wearing blue and white recently won a national championship? After tracing back the past few winners in my head, a ridiculously improbable thought struck me, just as my finely tuned Duke Hatred Spidey Sense began to tingle. Surely not… After going back and freezing the frame at the 1:09 mark, I recognized those devilish stripes on the uniform and that very Dukie face. To double-verify I checked the Duke 2010 roster, and sure enough there was Lance Thomas, No. 42. I ripped the video — as I was quite certain this would soon erase from the Interwebs — and tweeted out the news about the implausible stars of McConnell’s new ad. . . . . In an effort to save face — and all of the money they spent on the video — McConnell’s campaign put the video back up, but replaced the happy Dukies with a photo of UK’s star forward Julius Randle. Problem solved, right? . . . . But back to Julius Randle, where McConnell stepped on possibly his biggest rake of the day yet. It turns out that UK was concerned about a possible NCAA violation caused by Team Mitch using Randle in the video, so they sent a cease and desist letter to McConnell demanding that he take it down, which they did. Another political rule of thumb in the state of Kentucky: Potentially jeopardizing the eligibility of UK’s best player just before their biggest game of the year, simply so you can exploit his popularity for your own personal political gain, is somewhat frowned upon in these parts. In fact, doing such a thing — along with putting celebrating Dukies in your campaign video because your campaign doesn’t know the difference between UK and Duke — can land you a front page in Kentucky’s biggest newspaper that looks like this: ----------------
I'm pretty sure those turtles have more energy than McConnell. I'm surprised that guy actually walks around.
I've donated money to the guy running against McConnell in the primaries, and I don't even live in KY. :|
