My Blood Runs Cold: An Objective Review

Nuts to you. I've done that already, more than once, and y'all never did reciprocate. So no soap, Paddy.

 

Somebody says they don't like your use of Southern dialect, you interpret that to mean that they don't like Mark Twain. Say again how you didn't claim to be as talented as Twain?

 

Stating that the use of a dialectical device is similar to the same use of the same device by another writer has nothing to do with a comparison of talent.

"Dialect" and "talent" are different words for a reason, youngster.

 

Wow. What sort of squinty-eyed bass-ackwards perception leads you to such a breathtaking leap of "logic"? That is not at all how that exchange reads.

 

I really wish I'd remembered my Kindle so I could at least have read the booklet and written an unbiased review before the shit started slinging.

 

If it's an effort for you to do, or something you'll only do conditionally, then the problem is all yours. Nobody should have to pander to you for you not to be a cunt.

 

I'll say that problem three in Castle's writing is his inability to put two and two together and get four. It's hard to write a good story when you don't understand even the basic implications of the things you claim to be true. A good story needs at least a modicum of good sense behind it, otherwise disbelief can't be suspended. You can't paint a fictional universe if you don't understand that red and blue combine to make purple.

 

You can download it to the Kindle Cloud Reader.

 

That's still just cold reading, there, Miss Cleo. I'm not impressed by it in the least.

 

Isn't that equally true of your behavior toward me? Nah, couldn't be.

 

Jeez. Shows what a luddite I am. Didn't even realize I could do that. Thanks.

 

And yet, you can't understand that he said he didn't like your use of a dialectical device, which has nothing to do with Twain unless you consider your use to be on the same level.

 

Pointing out that I'm using the same device Twain used doesn't even imply a comparison of ability. That comparison wasn't even there until you injected it yourself.

 

I don't find the use of dialect obtrusive.

 

Has anyone reviewed it yet or are we just piling on the clown?

If people think its even half decent then let us know. I'll give it a whirl and an unbiased review. If its shite, then i'll not bother

 

I've read the booklet and here are my thoughts:

First, I call it a "booklet" because it took me less than ten minutes to read it. It's entirely insulting that the author charges $2.99.

The story is written from the viewpoint of Rockford "Rock" Dylan, a former Deputy Sheriff with a troubled past. During a warehouse raid, he accidentally kills an eight-year-old girl. The time period of the story is unclear, but it blends stereotypical Western props (horse and carriage) with electric cars and video phones. I'm assuming there was some sort of apocalyptic event that led to this odd mixture of past and present. The story begins with the protagonist picking up a stray young girl and her dog who, at least for Part One, do not appear to serve any purpose. Then the stupidly-named Brolio Vasquez y Garcia y Marijuana De Villanochez De Whoopdeedo (he says his name is just Brolio but that's how he introduces himself) shows up with the late governor's beautiful daughter, the also stupidly-named China Dahl. Dahl wants to hire Rock to find out who murdered her father. Rock calls up his former boss and surrogate father on the video phone for help, and during the call his boss is inexplicably shot dead. End of Part One.

Overall, this is not a very well-written booklet. Rock's southwestern "accent" permeates the narrative inconsistently and distracts from the story. I doubt someone who says words like needin' and askin' actually writes them that way. As another poster pointed out, the overall tone just seems forced and inauthentic. It comes off more like the author grew up watching Bonanza rather than having actual experience with southwestern dialect. The narrative is full of tired cliches like "a hole as deep as Hell and as black as my soul", among others.

The story itself is not really engaging or original. The main action sequence in chapter two, which is supposed to set the stage for Rock's troubled past, is dull and predictable. Bang, bang. Damn, I shouldn't have come here alone. Ouch, I'm wounded. Oops, I killed a little girl.

Less than fifteen pages after meeting China Dahl, he's kissing her for no apparent reason. There is no set-up to this romance other than the fact that we're told Dahl is gorgeous. "I shouldn't have done that," he says after kissing her. "All the same, I'm glad you did," she replies. Oh, brother.

I honestly don't know what else to say about this. I think the author was trying to establish a mood along the lines of the old noire pulp fiction paperbacks. In any case, it doesn't matter. The booklet is a failure in every aspect: story, writing, tone, dialogue, structure... you name it.

1 out of 5 stars.

 

All in all, your review was quite funny. Tell me, is it Twilight bad? 50 Shades Of Grey bad?

 

@We Are Borg: are you going to post that review on Amazon?

 

No, because even though I don't think the book is worth the kilobytes it uses up, I don't want to discourage WF writers. This BBS was founded in part to encourage aspiring writers. (Also because a bunch of us were fed up with TrekBBS.)

I wish John Castle would take my criticism, and the criticism of others, to heart. However, he seems incapable of doing so.

EDIT: I should also point out that I've never posted Amazon reviews of garamet's, Storm's or Diacanu's works even though I purchased them and had varying opinions of the quality.

 

Not incapable; unwilling. I have over ten years worth of no reason in hell to consider your criticism to be in good faith. I will give you credit, however, for actually having read the work.

 

Yours is the next twilight?

 

I think it's pathetic that @We Are Borg holds himself as superior, and worse still, pays a couple of bucks only as an excuse to fuck Castle over.

 

As I've said, this review was posted in good faith and without regard to my personal opinion of the author. Certainly, both @garamet and myself have gotten into some heated disagreements that devolved into name-calling, but that has never distracted from my enjoyment of Strangers From The Sky.

 

Even if it is that bad, it'll probably sell like crack at a hooker party. I know it's not Hemingway, and I never intended for it to be. It's pulp fiction, and it is that by design.

 

Okay, read the sample, no, not going to buy it. For one thing, the sample was ridiculously short and didn't tease the greater enjoyment I might find from the entire pamphlet. But it was also enough to tell me that I would not read the rest, even if I had it, and I don't think Castle wants our charity, at least not when it comes to his writing. From what I read, he hasn't done what is required to earn the $2.99.

Here are my quick thoughts, though I'll say WAB's review seems spot on, to the extent that I could see where the story was going. However, I think the author himself captures the problem just fine, with this sentence: "The air was thick and heavy on my skin as I walked north back toward home." Thick and heavy, yep, that's the story, at least in the few pages I read. Thick on folksy, heavy on contrivance. Next thing I noted, the protagonist's name: Rockford James Dylan. Seriously? What is that, a cross between James Garner and James Arness? I'm reminded of Marty McFly's unfortunate choice to call himself Clint Eastwood in the campy Western themed portion of the Back to the Future series. Except I don't think Rockford James Dylan is meant as a joke. Another illustration, and this one is even worse. Miss Cleo as a fortune teller? Youree Dell Harris might have a trademark case against you, Castle.

 

John Castle strikes me as the sort who's very likely to engage in highly frivolous pro se litigation over something like a bad review on Amazon. Remember: he believes he's written a potentially profitable book, if not a best seller, and that criticism of his work is in bad faith. When sales of his book remain at levels indicating that only some handfuls of family, friends, and wordforgers have made purchases, he'll be looking to blame anyone and everyone other than himself. While he'll never win the lawsuit he'd inevitably file following an honest review, posting an honest review isn't worth the time and aggravation of dealing with Castle's childish petulance. It's not like people need an honest review to steer them away from this book; no one who doesn't already know Castle is going to purchase it, and those who already know him know what to expect.

 

Well, I read the sample...You desperately need an editor, and some creative writing classes.

 

The same could be said for New York/New Jersey accents.