Has anyone here ever hired an armed body guard?

And if so, why?

I'm genuinely curious.

I used to be an armed security guard matter-of-fact. I carried a .357 at a nuclear power plant.
I'm guessing if you are bad-assed/suicidal enough to attack a nuclear plant, my .357 probably wouldn't be a show-stopper. It would be bringing a Nerf ball to a sword fight.

Ballsy job! Protecting important things is important. Important being the key!

Bodyguards are overrated. Medication is usually a better answer to your problems.

That's probably true for a certain subset of individuals!

The only thing I was protecting was my own ass. Anyone attacking a nuclear plant brings their "A game"
and a shit-ton of weaponry. In retrospect, I should have done my target practice from the fetal position wearing urine soaked pants. Train as you fight, fight as you train I always say.

I wasn't a bodyguard, but in the early 90's I was night shift armed security at a HUD building in Spanish Harlem. The night of the Rodney King verdict, I went up the block for a cup of coffee. Big mistake. Only drawing my Ruger security-six kept me form getting dismantled by a group of some very outraged people. I had the shakes for a half hour afterward.

At least you didn't have the shits for a half hour afterward. That would be messy.

Lol. I remember thinking two things very clearly: Fuck, please don't let me get killed. & I don't want to shoot anybody.

Does your mom swallow? That's important!

(She does, by the way.)

Your mom doesn't swallow. She's dead because she committed suicide because she gave birth to you. Please note the absence of any indication of sarcasm or lack of seriousness. I say that because it's true, not for any other reason. Your mom is dead, and it is no one's fault but your own.

Oh, you have cut me to the quick, good mediocre sir madam! How ever shall I go on?

Oh, yeah, like this:

Once again, your mom is dead because she committed suicide because she gave birth to you.That is my honest-to-god belief about the quality of your life, and I'm fairly confident that it's everyone else's as well. It may not literally be true, but you live your life as though it were true. No one can deny that fact.

Your mom hated you and killed herself for it. If that's not literally true, it's figuratively true. Deal with it.

"Once again" is boring. Also, it didn't work the first time -- failing twice won't come out to winning. That you think it will only proves that you're a hilarious stumblebum of a lousy dope.

I've said more than once that John Castle is unable to let anyone get the last word. He's insecure that way. I, on the other hand, am not. This is my last post in this thread.

Castle, your dick has never in your life been erect.

Then we will enjoy your silence now, you trivial little nugget of excrement.

Ooooh, an image macro!

*wilts, dies*

(Was that convincing? I'm never sure.)

Jesus FUCKING Christ, and now you've got me so fucked up I'm posting this in the wrong one of these fucked up threads.

Ok, my bad. Editing now, warn me as necessary.

We hired a driver the last time we were in Napa. Same thing?

Yep, exactly the same thing.

DUDE! My .357 was a security six. Great gun for the money IMO.
But I think you were over-reacting. You should have channeled the groups alleged "outrage" and set up a "midnight basketball" game or something. Or just all went to a diner and had a serious discussion about race relations in America.
That's what Garamet, Rick, and a few others here on WF would do.

I just thought about this - couldn't we all save money spent on armed bodyguards by training on and carrying our own weapons? Bullets are bullets, whether from someone five feet tall weight 100 pounds or six feet five weighting 300 pounds. The only people needing armed guards would be blind, frail, or otherwise incapacitated easy targets.
Matter-of-fact I could be wrong, but we as Americans may even have that right, written down somewhere if memory serves me correctly.

Obviously, this is a dig at something I posted in my Blue Room thread. That said, it's obviously here to stay, so let me address it:

I hired a long-time friend of mine and his wife. By 'hired', I mean that I kick them down a little money every couple of weeks (how much is not for you circus animals to know) and they each have another job title they get to put on a resume. For Kevin, the job title is "Driver/Armed Escort"; for Julie, it's "P.A./Receptionist."

As to this part:

"The only people needing armed guards would be blind..." and we can take off from right there, because with macular degeneration, that's exactly where I'm headed.

So there we have it. Everybody satisfied?

NOT A DIG! I don't even visit The Blue Room and had no idea you have vision problems. I don't do "personal digs"
I only dig at peoples fucked-up political views or when they get personal with me.
I was only trying to illustrate how hypocritical the anti-gun people are - limiting any individual's right to bear arms (despite training and experience) but allowing a "gun for hire" if they go through official government channels of course.

I know you don't, Oldfella, not even a thing aimed at you. That was in reference to the thread starter.

Yeah, I know what you mean there. I seem to recall Dianne "Mr. and Mrs. America, turn 'em all in!" Feinstein is one of the more visible and laughable examples of exactly what you're talking about there.

Have I mentioned, by the way, that your image macro skills suck month old dead goat dick? Seriously, kid, your skills are just piss poor. Maybe it's the app you're using. You should get Logoist -- or Skitch, bare minimum. 'Cause that? That looks like an 8 year old on sleeping pills yawned his way through it. Fail.

Well... truth be told, it's that you're not worth the time or effort for anything more than half-hearted efforts with MS Paint.