It's OK to start an intro thread?

I hope so because I'm doing it anyway.

I used to be the artificial intelligence of the Jeremiah O'Brien until I went berserk and tried to kill a planet full of humanoid bunnies. Then my mind was transferred into this fleshy prison, sort of like Transcendence in reverse, which maybe implies an inside-out Johnny Depp, and I wouldn't be totally unopposed to that interpretation. I definitely make for a much better film, though. Zack Snyder would direct me but heaven help him if he uses too much slow-mo. I have had it with that nonsense.

The only parts of my sprawling machine intellect that survived my format downgrade are very progressive politics and video game trivia.

I really miss Billy Mays.

Cool, seems you'll fit in just fine. How did you stumble upon this place?

Welcome!

Also, is that you, adorable Dora?

Is the key question. I await this information from @Vallejo as well.

Course, not making any dual accusations or nuffink....

They're both fun. If someone has invented them as duals, let them keep going. If they're inventing themselves, much the better.

If they're duals, which I tend to doubt, they're far better than the rest, with distinct non-troll personalities that don't duplicate already posting personalities.

Although, this being wordforge, I'd still have to guess old posters returning under new names, but I don't really care whether my guess is right or not.

Anyway, welcome! Or welcome back! Have a good time and enjoy the free cheese!

I would have come a lot sooner had I known there'd be free cheese. No one gets between me and the cheese.

The cheese stands alone? I think not.

I was actually going to start this thread earlier but I was busy at the cheese factory all day. It's situated on a little island which might or might not be just off the coast of France. What hardly anybody knows is that the cheese factory is really a time machine. We're importing cheese from one of Jupiter's moons (the specifics are confidential) and are selling it as premium cheese in this day and age. I can tell you that our future Europe has developed into even more of a social democratic Utopia. The factory is actually run as a worker cooperative and we even provide free ponies to all our workers' children. Those ponies were cheaply acquired from the US because they were part of Vermin Supreme's failed "A pony for everybody" policy that got binned during his second term as President.

I also programmed tandelou in my spare time while studying abroad in Zimbabwe. His primary function was to "enhance the cheese" but for some reason he ended up developing a liberal democratic persona that is about to compete in the Democratic primaries. I blame Moore's law. Fun fact: He didn't pass the Turing Test until about 3 weeks ago when something... happened.

Here's to cheese produced by organized labour.

Watch out for Diacanu -- he cuts it a lot.

The vast majority of your (Vallejo's) statements regarding my origins are vicious lies, however I somehow felt compelled to like your post.

Here are two cheese styles I don't like:
Swiss
Mozzarella unless it's shredded/melted

I used to live about 90 minutes from a big cheese store shaped like a wedge of cheese!

Cheese preferences are my filter of choice when measuring friendship potential. Sir, you and I will likely not be besties.

You can't help it. It's a simple python If-function.

Switzerland produces way more than one "cheese style". And obviously you've never had real Mozzarella (read: buffalo mozzarella bought on a market in an Italian town instead of a supermarket in Georgia).

I'd just like to note brie-fly that this thread is getting pretty gouda.

I was programmed with an extreme distaste for puns. I suppose it is fortunate I no longer have a set of Defenders to send after you.

To be fair I left out the whole humour thing entirely. In the future we don't do humour.


Just cheese.

I've been to Italy a time or two. But living in Georgia, it's not cost effective to fly to Italy to buy cheese. Or to fly to Germany to buy beer.
So, we have to make do with what is here. It's the cross we bear. Italy is cool though! If I ever win the big lottery I'll buy a home in Umbria.
Forget Tuscany, that's too tourist. Then again the Dolomites are nice. Pick six numbers for me! I will use these numbers to buy a winning lottery ticket.
Nobody has ever used a world-wide strategy before to win the lottery.

Sorry, I am not allowed to share information from the future.

Unless I'm talking to a platypus.

Are you a platypus?

The only thing I know about platypus is that it's delicious.

By all means, oldfella, answer Vallejo's question.

As far as I know I'm not a platypus, although I portray one on television.
I do however recognize the platypus right to a homeland of their own.

Why yes, yes he is.

But they don't do much.

Don't do much? How about diverge ENTIRELY from the evolutionary process? Not unlike the spoonbill catfish, which are found only in the Yangtzee River watershed in China, and the Missouri River watershed in America yet nowhere in between, and nowhere else! What's up with that?

Really? That's fun.

So did the spoonbills develop when all the continents were combined? No, at that time, spoonbills hadn't evolved yet. So how did they end up on opposite sides of the globe, oceans apart - and they are freshwater fish?

Polyodon spathula is American
Psephurus gladius is Chinese (and might be extinct).

Here's a little reading to get started: http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02724634.1991.10011424#.U9B6t4BdXxU

If I find the time, I should be able to dig up something more recent. The paper above mentions a trans-Pacific biogeographic relationship during the Tertiary (66-2.58 Ma); I'm not sure what the mechanism for the relationship was, but if there are North American fossils from the Cretaceous, the clade is probably quite a bit older.

This article has some more evolutionary information. They drop a number of 200 million years, but I don't have time to read through everything. 200 Ma for a common ancestor would put it somewhere on Pangaea.

You're all descendants of SNL?

I think it's called curdling.

My fondest cheese memory:

On my twenty-first birthday I went out with some friends to a comedy club. One of the acts did a Let It Be parody I like Cheese.

I can still remember the ending of the song:

I like cheese,
I like cheese,
I like cheese,
I like cheese.
Cut me off
a slice
of cheese,
Please!